Painting the perfect pitch-ure

Classic pitch deck wisdom is 10 slides that tell a compelling story. I’ll add some PUNgnant commentary so you can bring that big deck energy next time you pitch. Pitching demands honesty & clarity. Keep reading for a pitch-ure perfect template.

Title Slide. Introduce yourself. Your company. Your mission. Use your mission to whet their whistles with a title wave of emotion. Get them slide-ing to the front of their seats. Use as few words as possible.

Problem Slide. Get Houston on the phone with urgency. We’ve got 99 problems but our pitch ain’t one. Make this super simple & unforgettable. No need to mince words. Get down to the problem of it.  Signed, sealed & dilemma-red.

Solution Slide. Alright. The meat & potatoes, the Unique Value Proposition. Why should people care? Here, show how val-screwed your competition is. Are you harder, better, faster, stronger? This slide should have investors solve-ating at the end.

Secret Sauce Slide. Holy Mole this slide is critical. Don’t chimmi-hurry thru this one. It’s KFC’s secret recipe. The colonel of tech/innovation that sets you apart. This is the magic behind the biz. Delivered right & pesto… you get the $$.

Biz Model Slide. Prove you mind your own business. That you’re metric-ulously aware of your profits. Attention to detail pays off. Make sure to revenue your unit economics closely. It makes cents why people pay you- but where & how much?

Go-To-Market Slide. Mark-et your notes. It’s marketly time to market your marketing. Will you hang flyers at the supermarket? Regularly post on online marketplaces? Use markers to make posters? It doesn’t matter what, be creative & compelling.

Competitive Analysis Slide. There are tons of dirty jokes to analyze here- butt I’ll get to the bottom of it. This is your chance to SWOT away the competition. Be thoughtful & thorough. Now, distinguish any flames of doubt investors have.

Team Slide. This one should crews for most. OUr team is something we worked hard to build. Why are you personnel-ly qualified? What have you co-founder out about your teammates that’s worth bragging about? Founding Team Assemble. 

Financial Projection Slide. This one’s a stable of any di-eck. Like PB & J-curves. Be realistic, but optimistic. Investors will call bullshit if given half the fi-chance. Utilize KPIs to make this slide yummy, yummy for the money. 

What’s Next Slide. Ask - They’re not dumb-askes, they know you want the $$. Don’t spend their wheels. Tell them exactly how you’ll capitalize on their capital. Add a timeline, accomplishments & traction to scratch any final p-itches. 

Wow!! I invested some time. I hope I presented you with laughs & info. Wave that deck to the wind proudly. Now, I need a pitcher because I can’t beer-leive how many bad jokes I wrote. If you enjoyed this. Please like, comment & share. :)

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